Incredible Crockpot Carnitas

This dish relies on a long low temperature cook finished with a high temperature crisping technique.

Listen up Scofflaw brethren! (and ladies, too, I suppose) Today I'm gonna' teach you to make a dish that might just blow your mind and make your brain melt out your ears: Crockpot Carnitas

 It's really good- crazy good, really. It's like meat and butter made sweet sweet love, then invited bacon over for more steamy time adventures on a bed of rice and beans. Yum!

 There's no hard and fast rules with the exact ingredients, but you'll need:

-Some sort of marbled or fatty pork roast (boston butt works great!)

-Enough broth for your roast to bathe in without submerging it.

-Aromatic veggies: 2 medium Celery stalks (chopped), 1/2 Onion, bell pepper (about 1/2 cup), jalapeno (1/4 cup seeded and diced) and garlic (3 cloves diced)

-Spices: cumin, black pepper, chili powder, and salt
 
- Fat for frying

You'll be surprised how easy this dish is after you make it the first time, and your family will beg you for this super secret recipe. Defend it with your life! Don't give in without some sort of test of strength or an epic quest! They've gotta' want it.

 Sure you'll feel a little bad when Grandma taps out to that cobra clutch you put her in, but she she has to earn her recipe card just like everyone else.

 Pro Tip: Mystery only makes this dish taste better.

This is your Mom. She spent two days in labor trying to pass your huge head from her loins. When she asks for the recipe hand her a blank piece of paper. She'll pause in surprise. That's when you throw a smoke bomb down and jump through the dining room window. If she is worthy of the recipe, she'll give chase. Cooking is not for quitters.

 Now that the technicalities are past, let's delve into making this thing.

1. Select a nice marbled pork roast with a high fat content. Preferably, you'll use a bone-in Boston Butt or something similar. This dish needs tenderness and fat, so avoid lean pork tenderloin no matter what the fat-haters might say.

2. Make a mixture of a teaspoon to tablespoon (depending on the size of the roast) each of cumin, chili powder, and black pepper. Add a about a half teaspoon of salt.

3. Massage your (the) pork with our spice rub. Most of it will come off during cooking so don't worry about coating every square inch. Place the roast in your crockpot.

4. Pour some broth in around the roast (at least a cup). I've used chicken broth several times with great results, but this last time I used leftover broth from a chicken tortilla soup. I like the tomato flavor it added, but either broth is good.

5. Place your chopped celery, onions, garlic, and peppers in the crockpot around the pork. When your roast is sitting in the hot tub, it likes to have a swingers party just like the adults you saw kissing and wrestling at the hotel pool when you were a kid. So, chop up some aromatics and let them mingle in the broth as the roast cooks.

6. Set your crockpot on high and let your roast cook for eight hours. I rotated my roast midway through cooking, but you don't have to.

Look at that!

7. Remove your roast from the crockpot and let it cool slightly. It should fall right off of the bone. Strain out your aromatics and set aside the used broth in reserve.

Your leftover broth and juices from the meat are great flavor boosts for your side dishes.

8. You can skip this step and get straight to the frying if you like, but after it cooled to near room temperature, I put my roast in a plastic container and let it rest in the fridge overnight. (warning: science!) The cool fridge will change the composition of the fats and binding proteins in your pork leading to firmer hunks of meat in the beginning of the frying process.

This chemistry change helps make your pork crispy on the outside and tender and juicy on the inside.

9. Place your fat in a skillet and set the temperature to medium or medium high. Butter, bacon grease, olive oil, or coconut oil give the best results with bacon grease topping that list for me. Place some of your cool roast on a cutting board and slice it into chunks.

10. Drop the pork in the hot fat and fry until it is crispy and golden brown. Sprinkle additional seasonings to taste if desired. I used some adobo seasoning because I'm a trendsetter.

11. Serve over rice and beans if you're not low-carbing it, or on its own. Sliced and sauted onions are also really good on top.

For mine I added a side dish of italian beans, potato, and tomato cooked in the juices of my roast. It was so good I had to stop myself from getting seconds, and then thirds because the pork broke my will. You might eat ten helpings if you show no self control. Proceed with caution first-timers.

My plate is festive, dammit!

There you have it, Scofflaws! The secrets to this amazing dish are now in your capable hands. Use it only for good, but most importantly, enjoy some good eating.