The Benefits of Being Filthy Rich

by David Finley

 I've never been rich, and I don't want to make any assumptions, but most of you are probably in the same boat. In the past, being rich was never very important to me. Maybe you're the same. Perhaps you always thought just being able to do something you love, or even just like, and able to cover your living expenses was enough.

 Well, you're wrong. It's way better to be rich. When I say rich, I don't mean comfortable. I mean 'donate a million dollars to the children's hospital' rich. Billionaires are funding private space programs, looking at mining asteroids, and planning trips to mars. You could go to Mars!

 With vast amounts of wealth you can make a difference in the world. You could build schools in impoverished African nations, revolutionize the internet, raise social awareness for various causes, fund research in disease prevention, and best of all, get showered with free gifts from other rich people.

 Rich people get colleges named after them. How awesome is that? They get to eat consistently good food, wear clothes that aren't threadbare in places, and never worry about gas prices making them skip an outing they had planned and were looking forward to. When you're rich, you can freely buy that gluten free bread that costs so much.

 You might tell yourself the same thing about being rich that I always have. Perhaps you tell yourself there are huge drawbacks. It's a lot of responsibility to manage that much money. It might corrupt you until you are transformed into the kind of person you would not admire on this side of things.

 That's why you should make good objectives for your wealth and have solid accountability partners who will tell you the solid gold toilet and the endangered panther fur carpet you have your eye on are no-nos.

 It may be a pipe dream, but I'm planning now. When or if I become rich, I want to establish a series of high quality art programs and scholarships for kids who show merit in art, but don't necessarily have geographic or economic means to pursue the arts. I hope all of you will hold me accountable to my vision should my economic status dramatically change from good to obscenely wealthy.

 I'd be happy to do the same for you.

 One final note: if you are rich and reading this, I hope you are making a difference where you can. If you've already purchased that solid gold toilet, don't fret. We can probably still get a good price for it even if it's used. Just get someone like Oprah or Paul McCartney to use it at least once, first.

Thanks for reading!

-Dave, Grand Poobah of all Scofflaws.

P.S. If anyone would like to help me on my road to obscene wealth you can start by either contacting me for a commission or visit my shop and purchase some prints.

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